What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 06:31
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What is your most erotic sex story?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I waited trembling.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I will be 64.
When will dating stop being so hard for Gen Z?
As i do to all so called friends.?
I said to her
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Bicycling tied to reduced dementia risk and greater hippocampal volume retention - Medical Xpress
But, we were locked up after school.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Record-breaking cosmic structure discovered in colossal galaxy cluster - Phys.org
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why do I feel bad when I see white girls dating black guys, am I racist?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
When she asked me how she looked .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Watch These Intel Price Levels After Stock Surged 8% Tuesday to Lead S&P 500 Gainers - Investopedia
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Do foreign workers face discrimination in Canada?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My family never makes their pension either.
It was going to be , some day.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why did i forgive my father ?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Comes on , in middle age.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im still living with it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
All the time i was locked up.
I was seconnd youngest,
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But it wasn’t much.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Would this be the day?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Ive learnt so much.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I couldn’t, believe it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Put me off passion for life!!
This is soul school!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She married twice! .
She found it foreign!.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One cannot live in the past .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Especially a lifetime of it.
So, i spoilt her more .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My life is so biszare .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She was in good health!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I think the readers, may guess!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was 9 years of age.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He knew the spot.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was scared of men, in general
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was very sick at this time too.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I write beautiful poetry .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I don,t even have a pension.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We were not on the streets..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
What did i know ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She loved him until the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We all went to grammer schools
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Who then, do I blame.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So whats the point in blame.
She wouldn,t have been !
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I have no regrets .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And i lived it daily.
Where the ultimate outsiders.